Wednesday, October 21, 2009

the beginning. . .

So, I said I'd never start a blog (to myself, that is) but here I am. That is how it usually works with me--part of me wanted to do it-- but stubbornly, I didn't want to be one of "those people". Anyway, here I am. Really this is for me--to quiet the constant dialog in my head.

See, I was supposed to be a writer. It was the only thing I was ever any good at--I always felt so depressingly average--except when I wrote. And one day, not too long ago, I realized that that part of me--that had been such a huge part of my identity, was gone. I know, not gone, but shelved--by me, in the name of motherhood and self-sacrifice.

Really that's a lie.

I stopped writing because all I had ever really written about was dark and painful. And honestly, I didn't think I could write about anything else. So, I stopped. I became a wife, a mom, a mom again and again--five times. And you know the rest. . .life and laundry and dishes and bedtimes and all the little things of life that sweep you up into it's rhythm.

So, we will see. I am anxious to get out these thoughts that at times drive me crazy--if only for me.